Taming Anxiety: Learning to Work With Your Mind Instead of Against It

If you’ve ever felt like anxiety has taken the driver’s seat in your life, you’re not alone. As a  therapist, I see clients every day who describe anxiety as a racing mind that won’t turn off, a  stomach that never quite settles, or a constant stream of “what ifs.” 

Sometimes it whispers. Sometimes it roars. Either way, it makes you feel like you’re not in control—and that’s scary.

But here’s the good news: Anxiety doesn’t have to rule your life. In fact, when you learn how to work with your anxiety rather than trying to fight or ignore it, something powerful starts to happen: you begin to feel safe inside yourself again. 

What Anxiety Really Is 

Anxiety is not a character flaw or a weakness—it’s your nervous system doing its job a little too well. It’s your brain’s way of scanning for danger, trying to keep you safe. But instead of reacting to real-time threats (like a car speeding toward you), it reacts to perceived threats—like a difficult conversation, uncertainty about the future, or fear of failure. 

Sometimes, anxiety is loud and obvious. Other times, it hides behind overthinking,  perfectionism, irritability, or even physical symptoms. 

The Problem Isn’t Anxiety Itself—It’s How We Relate to It 

Many people try to control anxiety by pushing it down, distracting themselves, or “white knuckling” through it. Others spiral into it—believing every anxious thought as truth.  Neither path brings relief for long. 

The real shift happens when you start to change your relationship with anxiety.

That means:

• Recognizing it

• Naming it 

• Getting curious instead of reactive 

• Offering yourself compassion instead of criticism

5 Steps to Begin Taming Anxiety 

1. Name What’s Happening 

The moment you say, “This is anxiety,” you create space between yourself and the feeling.  You’re no longer inside the storm—you’re observing it. 

2. Breathe On Purpose 

An anxious brain needs cues of safety from the body. Try a simple breathing exercise like box breathing: inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. Repeat a few rounds. 

Your breath is your built-in reset button. 

3. Ground Into the Present 

Anxiety lives in the future—what might happen, what could go wrong. Anchoring yourself in the now helps deactivate the fear loop. 

Try the 5-4-3-2-1 method: 

Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste. 

4. Check the Story

Anxious thoughts often sound like facts. But thoughts aren’t always true—they’re just thoughts. Pause and ask: Is this anxiety speaking, or reality? 

Is there a more balanced or kind interpretation? 

Instead of “I’ll mess this up,” try: “I might feel nervous, but I’m capable and prepared.”

5. Soothe, Don’t Shame 

Beating yourself up for being anxious only makes it worse. Imagine how you’d speak to a scared child—and offer yourself that same reassurance and care. 

A Note on Deeper Work 

Sometimes anxiety is situational. Other times, it’s rooted in past trauma, chronic stress, or an over-functioning inner critic. Therapy can help uncover the layers behind your anxiety,  develop long-term strategies, and reconnect you with a deeper sense of safety inside yourself. 

You’re Not Broken—You’re Wired for Survival 

Anxiety isn’t the enemy. It’s your body trying (a little too hard) to protect you. When you shift from reacting to anxiety to understanding it, everything begins to change. You don’t have to feel calm all the time to be okay—you just have to know how to meet your anxiety with compassion, tools, and trust. 

And if you’re ready to do that, therapy is a beautiful place to begin.

Written by a therapist who believes that anxiety isn’t a flaw to fix—but a signal to listen to,  understand, and gently tame.